Laughter brings me closer to people. Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. 10. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . I choose to stop obsessing about my body. 247. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. Alison Boulter. I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. Infographic: Why Do People Swipe Right (or Left) on Tinder. "Disconnect to connect.". 20. Infographic: What is the Ultimate Commitment. Sincerely, the floor. Read the first word again. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. 231. 44. 30. 76. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up., 14. 14. Stressed spelled backward is desserts. 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. What do computers eat for a snack? 54. Bill Murray, 251. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. 162. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. 9. Youll probably grin or laugh if you say these affirmations aloud, thinking youre crazy. Honolulu, its got everything. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. 108. 29. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. Only two more days until Friday.". The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. Any text will do. Sometimes the M is silent. 227. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. I dont want to fix my spending habits. I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. Who cares about the future? My friends are like rocks, they help me through hard times. If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. Robert A. Heinlein Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. Chop your own wood. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. ". 228. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. - Jack London. Bill Murray 193. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. Rodney Dangerfield, 198. Alright, get in the basket.. Stop playing with me., 6. 36. 165. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. 213. 232. 1. Even on my worst days, turning on some stand up immediately puts me in a better mood. 159. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. Stop trying to make everyone happy. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. What do I do for a living? 166. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. 60. Breasts dont have eyes. I nourish my body every day. Erma Bombeck We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. 100. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. I am full of vitality. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. Why is England the wettest country? 257. 164. You might use humor as a coping mechanism. 275. East. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? 4. It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. Its called tomorrow. As a result, youll stay consistent, and with affirmations, consistency is the name of the game. When life closes a door, just open it again. 2. 2. I can always think of something funny to say. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. Im sure youve heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily. 8. Life is a game full of little and big surprises. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. -Katrina Bowden. Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. Billy Wilder. 170. Say your affirmations slowly and clearly. I have committed to being my most outstanding self. 67. 111. Ben Hogan. 249. I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. Dave Barry. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. 224. In between, I am alive. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. I try to see the funny side of every situation., 3. Henny Youngman 267. You can use affirmations to alleviate pressure in highly stressful scenarios, like taking an exam or going to a job interview. 182. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. 8. Description for this block. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. 279. Need to send some positive energy your way? As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. 64. 215. Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. You have to go after it with a club. I honor that time. Focus on the positives and be grateful. 177. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. But this shouldnt be a problem, as you can come up with your own humorous affirmations. 277. Unknown. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. 205. 205. 241. I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? 8. No man goes before his timeunless the boss leaves early. 163. Take some time each day to go through these funny affirmations for self-esteem and see how your mood shifts in response. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. Then you stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath in, open your mouthwait, this is funny. I can engage in small acts of kindness to uplift other people. Bill Murray, 260. 52. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. You were too lazy to read that number. 207. This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed. 114. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? They allow you to focus on the positive and what is working in your life rather than dwelling on the negative. 213. 12. A backbone. Albert Einstein Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. 146. 142. I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. You can also share them with your co-workers to put a smile on their faces. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. 245. I can have peace, even when people irritate me.. You try again, but no sound is coming out. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. 57. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. I am fine. Ill start this journey with my 10 favorite funny affirmations that never fail to make me laugh. Because seven ate nine. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. Begin your days with these powerful, funny affirmations for self-esteem. Bill Gates. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! 71. Funny Friday Quotes. Microchips. Sam Levenson. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. Sam Levenson I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. Hes dreaming too. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor.. Use them throughout the day whenever you experience negative thoughts. 1. What is Mozart doing right now? I dont suffer from insanity. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. Here's some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. 2. I am happy and joyful. Let me gather my thoughts and crush this Monday., 15. Whether its at other people or at ourselves, its good to laugh in life. Im full of funny ideas waiting to be expressed. Because they make up everything. 175. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. Why is England the wettest country? If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. Its okay if people dont like me. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. 37. 9. - Marcus Tullius Cicero. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. Today I will embrace the poop., 7. Some when they enter, some when they leave. 153. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. East - Christopher Reeve. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. 1. Im like a postage stamp. Absorb these 41 positive quotes and positive affirmations and start feeling positive now! It has nothing new to tell you. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. 63. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. 11. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Its okay if people dont like me. I just go normal from time to time. Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. I am adventurous. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. 13. Nothing, they just waved. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. By waking up and repeating this mantra, you will set the tone for the day. 59. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. Can February march? Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) . I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. Dave Barry Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? 273. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. Lily Tomlin 200. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. My sense of humor makes the world a better place., 8. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. grateful. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. Self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time., See also: 210 Killer Self Love Captions For Instagram To Lift You Up. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. I know the best time to make fun. 42. 21. 4. With a cowculator. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours. You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . Im still gonna do dumb stuff, only slower., See also: 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 8. 271. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. Never judge a book by its movie. 150. 188. Pat Sajak I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. The library, because it has so many stories. 202. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. I crack the right joke at the perfect moment. Remember, What consumes your mind, controls your life., 7. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 105. No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. 195. 3. I am lazy till I get a motive. If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? Because it was soda pressing. Today I will embrace the poop. Wilson Mizner Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if youre one of them (I bet you are), youre going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm. Let me know in the comments section down below! Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. Not only can laughter improve our problem-solving skills, but it can also help battle various diseases. Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life.