You have no idea how ignorant your statement is. The sex was great but found I was working most years 2 jobs, supporting the house hold 3 kids. Sometimes I wish he would go. BIG mistake. I always ask if Im doing the right things and she says yes. Life is tough, and tougher knowing you are not going to get laid. While its true that marriage isnt for everyone, it certainly isnt worthless. Peter: she wouldnt interest you shes like me now old, cranky, take pills and fat. We received a relationship query from a man who wanted to spice things up with his wife of 29 years, but was struggling to make headway because of the spouses inhibitions. I love her to death but cant stand to be around her anymore. You're correct about that. For the most part, her doctor (A woman) has told her that it was time to give it up. How about just being happy with love and affection? I cant have sex do to pain and believe me I truly hat it. I mistakenly intercepted several text Now whats so hard about that. She sleeps in the other room. But in practice, no one is equal. He doesbt accept the limitations of my back injury. var d = document, s = d.createElement('script'); Then, let the pouting begin. by *someone!! Have you considered opening your relationship or swinging together? I am going to be 42 years old!! . And we sacrifice ourselves for them. Bob, my wife is the same way, says she feels bad she has zero interest in sex, but doesnt offer anything like oral or HJ either. Its been over three months since weve had sex. Now the difficult part. Self-love is the answer, but you can help, too. var disqus_config = function () { They may be finding fulfilment on the computer/phone with others (just a guess) and so thats a big problem right there. My wife never initiates any form of Intimacy let alone Sex. Its a shame when a marriage reaches this point because so much of both people were invested in it at the beginning and for quite a while. Some get away with a happy one. Thank you Jeff! How should I phrase it? Weekly turned into Monthly then every 3 or 4 months question about sex. :(, Wow Chris D!! Im basically living a lie until the time is right for us to part ways. Initially, it probably was mostly about the sex. Whenever equality or egalitarianism gets discussed in the context of marriage, you can be sure this will involve benefits/advantages, whether natural or societal, that men have that ought to be shared equally with women and not benefits/advantages, whether natural or societal, that women have that ought to be shared equally with men. Nor, is it a reasonable demand that you need (should) accept. lol. if you want to get married for children just understand that your wife will stop wanting to have sex with you after she gets her babies. He is impotent due to hydrocele and he plans to have surgery until hes 65. . With kids and work schedules, it can unfortunately become easy to put date night on the back burner, but there are plenty of reasons to make it a priority in your week. Wow! They learn to accept the situation and carry on with life. But, do not sell yourself. Now Im in my mid-50s, but have no problems whatsoever getting primed for sex. Find someone who finds you attractive, become more attractive, get in shape (thats key). Thanks Buck for being brutally honest, I can relate to it and know how much painful it is, seeing your wife everyday but I cant even hold her because shell embarrass me with a comeback that all I want is sex and Ill get humiliated and will just eventually die inside. unless you feel he is better then nothing. Here is a video explaining mental illness that might help. If shes willing, find a therapist who will help you and your wife talk about this and really listen to each otherand if she wont go, go on your own. I look good for my age and am so tempted to look for another relationship. He just didnt want me and wanted to be left alone, in his world. My husband had 19 affairs. Sex ended, period. It literally changed our lives. I guess I must count my blessings. the you. Semi handsome for an old guy. If theres resentment in the marriage, its bound to manifest itself in a sexless marriage. They can go months and years without sex and then the menopause hits and then theyre completely done. Due to major health issues and aging, we just quit altogether. I said well, (while pointing to my head) by the time you heal I will have checked out up here, I will be looking at women and wondering if they would be fun to be with. 10 years of this and going on5 years since last try, dont sleep in same be, snoring medical issues up down. I lve my wife more now then when we got married. Joan Price is the authorof several books including The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50 andthe award-winning self-help bookNaked at Our Age.Visit Joans blog, Naked at Our Age and herFacebook page. Post-menopausal sex, for many women, is a meal offering little flavour or nutrition. I was her first love. Flirting in public! I remember when certain words did the trick. During our engagement I made it crystal clear that my sex drive was high & she was the perfect woman to relieve it. Having sex will actually help you physically and can add years to your life. Is like 5 times a year.! Better than NO sex of any sort for 10+ years, and being rediculed for masturbating. And perhaps. If you have to ask whats so I important about having sex, you must be doing it wrong. The precursor for any affair is emotional intimacy, says Gopa. Then theres the masturbation/porn thing. I became completely numb to anything. Instead of focusing on harmful sentiments like, What to do when wife wont put out? try to work on the issues you two are having. Is this the case with your guy or does he nave no urges at all? Then tell them what your plans are or not, but do not put your sexual and intimacy needs on hold the rest of your life because it is the sign you love someone. Illness, marital issues, motherhood, or work anxiety can cause your wife to feel too overwhelmed for intimacy. And lastly, dont discount masturbation as a solution. Absolute rubbish! I end up feeling bad about this as I think I should not be obsessing about it as she often says. But after our second kid it just dried up to not much. i feel for you my spouse stopped being interested in sex 20 years ago at my age 51,for many years we had some extrem arguments and are still having them,,, to no avail what do you do. You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter. If I go with my friend (who is also not 100% and we have the same pace, easy and slow) he ridicules me that I have energy to shop, walk her dog or just sit and chat over some tea. As I explained before on seniorplanet.org, spontaneous desire just happens, while responsive desire only happens after a womans body starts getting aroused. Maybe when she met you she saw a very rich lifestyle that has not panned out. If that is not possible, it may be too late. Im only 63 and Ive pretty much just given up. Now it is back to looking at every other couple as maybe having something unattainable for me and my Wife. As someone who has now gone over 6 years without any contact more intimate than a hug I can tell you it is a relationship killer. No sex 7 years!!! About 5 years ago (we've been married 29) she started not wanting me to touch her breasts as much and over time stopped letting me touch them altogether. I could do as well financially as a single person and there are women who would be happy with what I can provide, both financially and intimately. I caught her in a flirtation as she calls it, with her boss. You said, So my question to the men here. I read the frustration and despair in your story and I thank you for being willing to share it here. We have had a fall out now and it is the elephant I have hypertension and medications have affected my ability to get an erection. But whatever you do, never go to therapists. Sex is a HUGE part of a marriage, are you kidding me? As we age we need to look at things with a different perspective. Mike it could be only your fault if you are not touching her! Really? With a lot of talk and communication, we have made peace with our sex life. I wish we were closer because I would love to meet you. Lack of interest does not equate to lack of love. He is absolutely wonderful father and husband. Research shows that women who had a positive view of themselves reported higher levels of intimate encounters and arousal. The best thing to do when y our partner doesn't want to be intimate is to ask them about it, point blank. I do most of the household chores, she doesnt work outside the home, and hasnt since weve been married i constantly compliment her looks,I have been striving for decades to woo her, and sex is now completely off the table, and she wont even cuddle or kiss. And I am one of those. He is a selfish person he is only thinking of himself. Research shows that sexual communication was strongly associated with increased relationship satisfaction and heightened orgasm frequency in women. If the marriage has made you take your personal hygiene for granted, this lax attitude could be a total turn-off for her. Remember its never too late to start. I have given up trying since the rejections and sometimes total indifference is devastating. I cant live another 30 years with him like thus. When a wife who has to cook, clean, take care of the kids, do the laundry, pick the kids up from school and take a couple of classes she is too tired to perform another task after all that she has done in one day. Seems to me that sex is more important to most guys than it is for a woman. That last sentence got my attention. I was already starting to think that I was a man born in a womans body!!! I do raise the issue with her from time to time. I want to get divorced and he refuses to accept that our marriage just simply was never a Marriage. I bet theres either something from you, or shes hiding a big lie. Some persons who are older like us end up this way. We have been married 41 years. We dont really argue and enjoy each others company. Especially if you once had a healthy and active sex life. why is he grumpy? She has to try, and she should want to try for your sake if not hers. Im 69 and still active. Nothing, I mean nothing, kills a relationship, a marriage, a union, more thoroughly than complacency and boredom. Does your wife feel seen and heard in the relationship, or is she never in the mood because she usually feels overlooked? Really its happening with many couples as the year goes and children born the interest goes down. What should the husband do. My wife is an alcoholic so mood swings are often. A year or two is nothing. If not he should go on in it. I take it religiously, because it helps me in the gym and with mental clarity. Home Articles Marriage Sex 4 Things to Do When Your Wife Wont Touch You. I mean, we have a nightly generic kiss and slight hug say goodnight. Its not as rosy on our side of the fence, when you really look into it. As a matter of fact, if shes not enjoying herself, I stop. He's a great dad, and a considerate husband. First, do not deny your needs any more than you would deny yourself your favorite food, movie, book or music. Ohh my! Good luck. Your wife never initiates physical contact - Sex feels like a chore Is your mind saying - "my wife loves me but is not sexually attracted to me?" Your wife never initiates physical contact and she does not seem excited by that idea either. If your wife never initiates physical contact, it could be that horror of horrors you may be bad in bed. It doesnt necessarily make it better but it makes sense. I try to get used to it. Talk to your wife about the lack of intimacy, 11 Lovely Ways To Date Your Spouse Spice Up YourMarriage, 200 Newlywed Game Questions For That Instant Bonding, 45 Questions To Ask Your Husband For A Heart-To-Heart Conversation, Why Is Marriage Important? If I threw a fit, she would allow it but Buck is correct, who wants to have sex with someone who is repulsed by the act of sex. Cheating is easy and you deserve it. Thats something that you honestly need to ask yourself. She told me a few years ago that she felt sorry for me because of her lack of sexual desire. So these women that men here are complaining about, it may just be the attraction towards the man is gone!