Husband has been out of work for 6 and a half years. He owns his own home, but he will lose it if he doesnt find gainful employment soon. i finally realized that my husband has been chronically unemployed, because he has a criminal background, he feels that this is what keeps him from getting a full time job. For example, do you believe housework should be shared equally? Im TIRED.Im stressed. I also want one more tiny aspect My own sense of achievement and pride with my own job. Im too stressed. I agree its because most employers cant afford to take a chance on someone who raises red flags and might as well have a question mark about their reliability-dependability and whether they would even be any good tattooed to their forehead. 2. I have been with my partner for more than 3 years. I dont have much to cut. But life is more than just working. The last three shes totaled about 3 months of work. Why he was so angry and resentful about it is beyond me. We found out I was pregnant 4 months ago I was a cocktail waitress so I recently had to quit I feel bad bc he has to pay all of my bills. Bc there is no way in hell you're a failure if you're doing everything at home on top of holding down a job.he's the dud if anything. But, man, you will never EVER E V E R bring us down. I dont know how much longer I can wait! Unfortunately, my husband is one of those people. Hes unemployed because he lost his drivers license to a DUI and cant get it back until he completes 10 counseling sessions at $25 bucks a piece. I do not see that you will receive any benefit from this relationship, only exhaustion. He has applied for six jobs in that year SIX!!! But they are TRYING. We are already not doing birthdays. We moved into a bigger house as the kids needed bedrooms of their own. I water the plants. Some have become involuntary breadwinners, straining to care for everyone and everything with one lone paycheck. With the latter two you may question why you are putting up with it and even tolerating the person when they are hardly working or not working at all more often. People you view as lazy, nothing happening bums. May be tirelessly working to improve themselves and their situations, but you just dont or wont see it. Sick sick sick of abusive moochers. Biden's First Official 2024 Primary Challenger Is a Meditating Hippy Who Preaches the Kamala Harris's Husband Has a Message For All the Super-Progressive, Woke, Liberal Men Business Tycoon Criticizes Democrat-Run States: 'They Are Punishing People Who Are Success Nancy Pelosi Criticizes Biden for Giving Republicans a Win Over DC Crime Bill, Biden Abruptly Walks Away After Refusing to Answer Questions on Covid Lab Leak. If you are out actively seeking employment and honestly giving your best effort AND you are working any job (even if its flipping burgers or being a Walmart greeter) you can find until you get back into your career job.then this thread isnt about you, because you are making an effort. You have to face up to the fact this guy set you up to be the heavy lifter while he does as he pleases. He goes on interviews but never gets hired. Thank you for your comment, Anickh. We have 2 amazing children aged 9 and 5. Most of society accepted this and did not see this as somehow unfair in any way. A man should provide for his family. all of these stories are written by WOMEN. I cant get over this feeling that she broke a promise to me. We just broke up last night and I feel this amazing wave of relief and at the same time having been with the same guy for 5 years is equally devastating. The most annoying thing is when he s got some money, he spend it on expensive wines.I am loosing the will to live. Whatever you do, dont nag. There have been numerous articles recently on the plague of being overqualified and post-bachelors educated. The other day, a client of mine said, I went to an interview for an administrative assistant position. We signed a lease together, he was lovely and sweet at that time, looking back probably because I had asked him to move out of my old place where he was only staying as a guest. Dont underestimate your partners ability to get most things done, said Greg Cason, a psychologist based in Los Angeles. We still have sex but even that is not so great anymore. Once or twice he has made about $300 in a week and then will have days of no work. Housework really is a full-time job, muses my septuagenarian father. :). I am so tired of listening to his irrational and frankly ungrateful complaining 24/7. Wow, I dont know to feel relieved or more depressed realizing that Im not the only one going thru this. Im looking into divorce, but now it turns out I may have to pay alimony! "I can't even talk to her about the frustration So that's tough. I helped him when he doesnt have a job for several months before & now when is my turn he simply said i cant!!!! OMG..I am reading these posts and am just mortified. And where do i go from here?? He was sweet and charming till he moved in on me without even asking! It turned out that he had chronic appendicitis, but it took the doctors two years to figure that out. Without first finding Another. I dont make enough to keep our heads above water and its a daily, awful struggle to figure out how to keep lights on, pay the mortgage, have food, clothes, pet food, and the list goes on He is currently under employed and does get paid weekly BUT this job incurs expenses of mileage and car wear and tear. HE NEVER FILED FOR AN APPEAL.
Hes been trying to trade commodities for all these years and no breakthrough. We both have college degrees. Ah guys! Hes home everyday but doesnt do any housework and of course I resent him for that so everytime I ask him to do something I dont sound very nice and hes not going to do it because the way I ask doesnt please him. Im so depressed. NO! The new contact lenses your 11-year-old is sporting because your wife made a doctors appointment and took him. I understand how you suffer long term; and how disappointed you feel about your partner. I recently had a baby and now I cannot work due to the fact my son refuses to take a bottle he wont even let it in his mouth for a second. And, one more btw I have a job that requires a lot. due to unemployment. None of us can know what it is like to be the person in that situation, because each person and each situation is unique. Ive applied to at least 5 jobs a day since moving here, and only a handful of interviews have come out of it and no job offers. He will go and stay in hotels with her once a week, she pays. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I am still trying to find the end and switch on the light I often ask myself what have I done to deserve this as life is not fair. He has only paid for two dates since Ive known him and lived with his parents when we met because he had little to no money. Hes been on a total of 3 interviews in the last year none of which resulted in a job offer. And maybe you have some disappointment to your self. But I rather him chipping in to pay the bills. The last few years, a number of viral essays and Facebook posts have highlighted the trouble with emotional labor, or the weight and effort of managing nearly everything at home especially the seemingly invisible jobs no one else seems to track or recognize. They claim of course that other people are the problem but they seem to have these issues wherever they go and regardless of the situation. Things arent always as they appear. From the sounds of it, youre young and have the time to learn a new field. I have every right to be.. My partner has always suffered with mild depression and having lost several jobs due to temper/mood swings, he has been unable to secure proper employment for 4 whole years. I love that man with every ounce of my being. A husband who comes home frustrated every day when the dishes arent done might be surprised to learn that his wife prefers to clean the bathroom and before doing the dishes. 3. I just cant. The end result is the same, your partner being rejected yet again and you blaming them and them blaming themselves. I would be really grateful if you would do these specific things., Of course, its annoying to have to ask him every time you want something done the house manager problem is very real (and also very gendered, typically). I cant muster up the stregnth to make her feel better when all I want is to yell at her to get up by herself! You deserve it. Especially when it comes to finances and the division of chores in the home, theres so much emotional baggage surrounding gender roles and upbringing and social norms that even the most sensible, watertight plan is going to flounder from time to time. Oh, and I am the one who is employed as a janitor, but he goes along. But with the children (esp the young one) thing get more complicated. He gets mad when you tell him to get lost? Be patient, be supportive., I think to myself, Me, be patient? Its hard enough paying for even just myslelf. I am SICK of being there for him financially and mentally while getting little in return. My DH only willing to work part time in desk as he thinks labor work will hurt him back. You are smart to learn so early. Now the same old stories. But it is becoming more apparent that this is truly wrong. We been together for 9 years and he cant wait to get married. He keep saying what 1 want 1 will. I have debt coming out of my ears from trying to keep up and supporting my family from one salary income. I am unhappy with his family what kind of family does a man like that come from? . I am also looking for part-time or full-time work, although i have been working for 27 years. After few months of unemployment, he has been diagnosed as Depression. Is marriage all about money? Must be nice coming home. Grow up and move on. Advertise on The Marriage Counseling Blog, The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory. I have one more year of school left and I will graduate summer of 2016 we just have to hold on. We were struggling BEFORE my husband was laid off.He chose to drink,surf the internet (which my kids need to complete schoolwork and lie on the couch. He also has an anxiety disorder that was made so much worse by the pandemic. Instead of giving your spouse a deadline, try saying why it is important. To all those looking after their unemployed spouse/partner it is hard, it is painful, but if you still have feelings for one another (and trust/respect after all you have been through) I think there is hope. Relocated to utilize my contacts got creative, landed a good of job. Just feel like I deserve more. I left because I was driving 40 miles a day for a part-time job, and found a job closer to home- that also offered better pay. And all this is hidden from his family who cares for him deeply. Were almost 30 years old. Some of these posts are a yr or two old so i dont know if anyone will read this. five years ago my boyfriend voluntarily quit his 6 figure job in the technical field. Never money do anything special. Total bulls*** and its important to walk away cool off hit the gym or go out in the car and scream. During the 5th week of therapy, her oncologist increased her dosage, which made my sister sick. On top of it, he has become a mean, nasty, verbally abusive man. Pinging is currently not allowed. Everyone has told me that I am too hard on myself and I realise that indeed I did not congratulate myself on all I had achieved. When a womans fed up thats it. I dont think he understands how depressed and alone I am feeling. In between jobs, Im working 3 jobs, 7 days a week in order to pay all the bills and stay afloat. Problem: he gives $ away and makes bad investments w/o my knowledge! I can tell you what has worked for us, but I was also excited to research your question and get more advice from people who study these issues for a living. This gas been going on now for ten years. I used to always be happy til he came into my life. We have had Financial issues and when we have extra money he wont hire any help .. Only he can do the work right. Try any or all of these ideas, and keep adding to these lists. The loving man I know changed into a clingy child whose temper and mood swings rival those women on soap operas. He is a dreamer always talk but that is it. I wish I could just quit and pursue my own interests and business ideas but I feel trapped by my obligations to feed her and her ungrateful kid. Also I just had our son and got pregnant a month after with our daughter he did some work for a girl on her car and they started talking and ended up goin to the movies and I found out and flipped and he just stopped doin his mechanic business.That was 2 years ago. I suspect that even if you had, you might still have found yourself in the same place. You're not his maid, you're supposed to be his partner. The GoodTherapy.org Team. The wife had tried everything but their partner have not improve too much. So spend some time discussing how to resolve this. Yes, you spent 9 months on this guy. This entire scenario is indicative of a mental health breakdown, and the unemployment is just another side effect. Been with my boyfriend for 5 years now were planning on getting married but I cant even imagine how hell be afterwards. Oh Lucky me. Im frustrated because it does NOT take a YEAR to get a job..ANY job, I dont care if its flipping burgers. Sorry if I sound smug, but thats what your husbands should be doing, not living off you. My husbands been unemployed and under-employed for the past three years on top of having medical concerns which have changed his personality dramatically. Im confused. I thought wed hit the jackpot! Am I being taken advantage of? My husband has been in and out of jobs for most of our marriage20 years now. Things were going well for him until he made an investment abroad and he lost everything, and I mean everything. You are not an easy target. Him with a job .. I dont know what to do. He has always worked all the overtime n hours he possibly can to give myself n our kids everything we want & need. Not one interview. Go figure. Life is a combination of good and bad days. He only makes about $12 an hour and has around a half hour commute to and from. I was just googl eing the things..how people feel when mens lost their jobs. To be fair to us, men do a lot more housework than in 1949. He basically lives off of me. Too long of a commute and he can find better paying employment closer to home! Now that hes started though, its like he is so beyond stressed out. I dont talk to anyone really about this, it is really getting to me, I worry work is suffering and myself and my brain just cant take it and I am distracted all the time. It seems that something always happens as soon as he gets these jobs; he suddenly gets a cold and has to take time off; or gets the either you quit or well fire you scenario, or a layoff. I am open to input. Im tired, fed up of always having to carry the load and biggest is fed up of feeling not good enough. I have been crying for days. But the good times didnt last; after everything I did to get him the job, he screwed it up big time by failing a drug test and got stood down for five weeks. I appreciate the feedback. Im not sure what he does all day. I earned probably $1 million in that time; and lost about $120,000 on shares and forex trying to escape the mice race. Get a clue. Paying rent paying bills. If I point out I am doing something, I am a monster. Ive had to put my dreams and goals on hold for his, my life has detoriated which makes me very bitter. No kids but it seems that there is a hole in me because of that. I really want to go to college as well but supporting us both means I cant save. It has come to a point where , whenever I go to the shopping malls, I feel like a poor person. My husband tries hard to find work and with 2 degrees we hope he finds work soon. But the challenges I face with the kids is nothing compared to the difficulty I am having with my relationship with their father. Im a 23 years old female, recent grad and working with the occupation that I studied for in college, Ive dropped out on several occasions while my fianc continued his studies in criminal justice- trying to be a cop. My hubby and I have known each other for over 18yrs. Still, its possible that he is oblivious to (or in denial of) these dynamics, says psychologist Brian Ogolsky, a professor at the University of Illinois who studies how romantic partners maintain healthy long-term relationships. It really offends me that some people have posted that us partners with non-working husbands are money hungry or man bashing. Im trying to learn acceptance but it aint easy girl. Ive been with my other half for almost two years. there is absolutely no reason a woman of 49 yr old women with a college degree cannot get a job doing something. How unfairly Mrs. Clinton was treated. At this juncture, I need financial support from him, but would probably find my endurance to be much better if coupled with emotional support. He does help around the house, handyman stuff, kitchen. Anything helps. I am going to finish my bachelor, but I am not doing well on the monetary part. This email will be used to sign into all New York sites. You need to leave him if he does not get a job. I am the idiot who chose this stupid relationship and I will be the smart one to find my way out. My efforts to get him to go out, meet people, network have all fallen flat. The only thing I can say in his defense is that he takes the trash out though not until its overflowing. I also have my unemployed daughter, her unemployed husband and my 5 grandchildren living with us. He has applied for a handful of jobs in that time, he has really good experience but nothing has come of it. Its so frustrating and scary. He sometimes mentions trying to pass the time during the day, and I just think to myself: DUST SOMETHING. Until then, I try to do as much housework as possible, I try to cook for him and I constantly remind him how much I love him and appreciate him. Practice Management Software for Therapists, Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists, How to Send Appointment Reminders that Work, https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html, https://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html, https://www.goodtherapy.org/therapy-for-domestic-violence.html, https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. I am mostly referring to the men who have been out of work for years, not just a few months. My wife continues to work FT, ironically, as an Employment Counsellor at a local college. A few years ago we had our first baby, which was (and remains) the most wonderful person in our lives. I cant stand being home for too long I like to get out and have fun even if its going to the park! Unemployment rates are high on the rundown as one of lifes stress-inducing and mentally exhausting events. Cheers to you all. Id love to go on and on, but lets just say Im jealous of women whose spouses are gainfully employed. I find myself at the same juncture right now albeit Ive been living with my partners unemployment (and all its subsequent spillovers) for only a year I cat imagine living with it for 4. I feel like i am drowning. He only recently started filling out applications again and he puts primary childcare provider to explain his employment gaps. He has gotten marginally better at being a dad. Im beyond tired of watching this person laying around, playing on their phone, computer, laying around in bed, and generally doing nothing all day, every day aside from one or two rare chores that they grumble and complain about constantly before, during and after they do them. Do You Trust Your Spouses Ability to Make Good Decisions? i dont know if youll ever see this. But I am so tired. How can she let herself give up when Ive spent the last 6 years carrying her! She is probably a narcissist and feels housework is "demeaning" to her but it isn't to you. Ive never left him alone for more than a few days and the house is always a mess when we come back.